I am ditching chocoboard. Lousy server. Goodbye.

See you at toccatina.blogspot.com then?  

I was skeptical about the Kampar trip which I missed so I smsed one of my friend and ask how Kampar looks like. Then I received an e-mail from him instead after 2 days?  Here it goes:

My heart sank after I published the post “My Wireless”. Feeling so depressed and sad now. I've been thinking a lot. And it's making me feel more emotional and disappointed towards my life. What will happen if I decided to quit studying? And what will they do to me since I stopped working for them. Many things crossed my mind and I couldn't focus on anything at all. 

I've been outing alone for the pass few days. Friends are not back here yet. Heck, I don't think I have any friends in KL anyway apart from my UTAR friends. It's semester holidays and everybody is back to their kampung. I however, feeling lonely in PJ. Well, Premala did asked me out to catch a movie at Midvalley on Monday. We bought tickets for Meet The Spartans and it only lasted for like 1 hour plus. Feeling cheated so we watch Jumper after 10 minutes the last 'movie' ended. We had Carl's Jr and ordered medium size burger. To my horror, their medium size is actually larger than McD's large size. Feel free to check it out but the price is quite expensive for a poor student like me.

Last Saturday morning, I went out alone, catch a cab to the nearest lrt and went to KLCC and watch CJ7 alone at TGV. Yes, I am that lonely. Had a sizzling hot pan of dunno what chicken mushroom yee mee. After watching CJ7, I walked around KLCC check on the stuff, nothing caught my eye, felt sleepy, and straight went home, reach home around 3pm, had a shower, off to sleep.  wasn't happy at all.  At least I don't have to work.

And yesterday I went to 1Utama. Yes, alone again. Went to MPH, read some good magazines and good books. Somehow had some eye opener, then went to buy tickets to watch Dan in Real Life, a very light chick flick. I was alone in the big cinema, quite creepy. Heck, it's 12.15pm show, nobody is that free. Except me. Of course. 

Then was heading home, but feel 'kosong' you know? So bought another ticket and watched Kungfu Dunk. OK, there was a few kids and a few couples in the cinema. But still quite empty. After the movie, had a brisk walk. Then head home, shower, and sleep.

And why am I sleeping so early? No wireless . NO point staying up unless I wanna watch astro. I couldn't chat, surf or whatever. Days has passed and I do realize that internet really do nothing much for me. What do I do with the internet apart from just chatting with friends. And slowly figured it out that nobody wanna layan me in msn anyway. And so I can watch dramas or anime from the net. Since the absent of my audio device, I am keeping all the good shows when I go to Kampar. Yes, this is another excuse to make myself feel happier because my this stupid cheap pc. Ok, where was I? Oh yea, apart from surfing, reading, and blogging, there's nothing I can do with the internet. And so, I am a complete useless being in the world.

Since the absent of my wireless, I've been reading my old novels, nothing to brag. Oh my god, I am so lifeless. I stopped playing online games. This is just stop myself from getting addicted. And Foundation Course is not that easy OK? Maybe I did make a right choice. What am I talking about anyway?  

I did plan to go to Ikano, Ikea, The Curve and all those places which are connected in that area today. But I'm out of movies to watch now, I watched 5 movies in 3 days exclude those movies in HBO and Cinemax. I guess I am useless after all. I do feel the guilt for not working. I really do. And I have been hiding and trying not to see my mum face to face for a week now. Yes, I didn't see her for 1 week even though we stay in the same house. I still haven't pay my 3rd Semester fee. I dunno why I always feel so shy to ask for money. Now you know, I am a complete different person at home. I'm out of words.

Sigh, why am I doing this to myself?  

I couldn't online every night for the past few weeks. My brother and sister can online because they are using cables and I can't because I am using wireless. I find it amusing. Whenever I wanted to online at night, it seems like the wireless cannot detect anything. I on the computer for a week, plug in the USB thing again and again. I waited from 12am to 7am while watching tv. Still not getting anything. Thinking it might be because of too hot? It is just to make me feel better. But I am beginning to get pissed off. 

And so, since I quited my job, I've been staying home for a few days. And I found out that my wireless is actually working by day. Feel weird enough, because I let my father to use my computer to watch the share market by day. Because everybody knows the market starts from 9am to 5pm. And which is the time I am not around the house. Feeling very pissed off now because I am updating this blog now at 11am and nothing is wrong with my wireless. The signal strength is Good not like what I experienced every night that I can't get to connect at all.

And so, I've made a conclusion that it should be my brother who did this shit to me. Knowing that his computer is the one that creates a LAN which shares the line with my sister. And it's his computer that creates the wireless network. Just because he like to be in control.  Is he doing this because I refused to go to work anymore? Why am I always being treated like this?

I am thinking to move to Kampar now and start my Semester 3 there. Even though Kampar is a small village, at least it ease my pain. I cannot tahan anymore. I don't think anybody knows what I am experiencing for the pass decades. Just that, I am not as lucky as you that's all. 

no, not even close.

what about you? 

Why do I feel so out of place all the time?

Why do I feel so invisible in my family?

This loneliness is really creeping me out.

Why am I shutting myself out?

And why am I starting to hate everybody around me?

Why am I such a sore loser?

People nowadays buy something that they don't like just to impress people that they don't like at the same time spend money that they haven't earn.